8484 views so far in March...woww

but hmm really not too much happening in life right now
just trying to be a good student and yes i'm still getting bad marks but i'm starting to like what i'm studying now so hope things will get better la
and wow I'm having this chem prof right now and she's only around 30yrs old 0_0 somehow that actually motivates me

can't wait till summer!! May 8thhhh!!!!!!!!!! and 4months of vacation!
and I got to say, I'm really, ultra-ly excited about softball !
and really hope I can get the job at SicKids!

and yea I know the stuff I'm writing isn't really that fascinating at all. I do want to put my feelings and thoughts into my entries, not just stuff like this but I can't help it- my mind's bombarded with chemical synthesiss 0_0

when do I ever learn the lesson..

hmm haven't updated for a while
really tired just don't really want to type
hmmm i miss hk.... so so so so much.....

had my first interview at SickKids!
looking forward to softball!

and why's it snowing so much!! i want to start to play softball in April!!
but it's only thru this that I saw so many neighbours coming out and helping each other =]

wow...
haven't updated for a while
though it's late i feel compelled to type a bit

after retreat (which was awesome) I basically just worked worked worked...and fell sick
and ahhhhhhh
i was SOOOOOOOOOO mad at myself
actually spent some effort on EAS midterm this time and I BLANKED OUT during the test!!!!!!!
omgg i was sweating and all that..and just.....
sigh..
but the other 2 went well, thanks God for that

what happened just this past ThurSday made me speechless..
knowing that i had a midterm next day, after fellowship i rushed to go dinner with small group ppl and i got lost...
i was on the street just walking and running for 45 min!!
literally..
and i NEVER felt soo desperate before
i was swearing and all that too.. i just..
i was really weak
but i was grateful (afterwards) that even though they arrived at 6ish they didn't mind waiting for me for desserts till 9 and i was touched^^ thanks guys~
and though the whole night, even in fellowship i was felling really 不安 and it got worse when i was lost, i learnt something !

and just when i thought that night was just baddd, i went home and checked email and...... I'm finally getting an interviewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww !!!!
i WAs sooo happy that i kept jumping around topless hahaahaha

and i got to say that the reason i felt compelled to type this entry was because I saw so many visits to my site even though i haven't updated for so long^^

sorry for not updating but i'm really really tired..literally
retreat was funn, had some gd time but to come back and face the reality was just cruel.. and having to not go to all the fun events this weekend's just...
work hard and focus!
later sin write more la~

聽日去retreat啦野都未執依家準備緊份essay。。唉點解會咁家。。
星期四會返黎到時再。。做野。。﹣＿﹣‘‘
好似要拎埋Ｄ書入camp tim。。。
but I can't wait till tomorrow!!!

點解會咁忙家。。已經唔係成日出街家啦。。聽日family day除咗同屋企人整野食之外睇黎都要做野。。唉
點解會咁家retreat之後好多野想做，星期五食唔到sushi星期六又去唔到party。。不過都仲有好多其他野。。點解會咁家。。個鼻又紅哂，人地話咁樣啫係有人暗戀。。下。。咁我寧願冇啦-_-//

今日有Ｄ唔gur
琴晚同呀妹講今日會出街,佢嬲我,咁我就諗住留返係屋企啦。。點知佢成日都出咗去，呀爸呀媽又出咗去食飯。。
成日好hea 。。。終於睇完野蠻奶奶大戰戈師奶 hahaa 睇咗nba all stars﹣ 個dunk contest 真係超超超好玩，跟住apply 咗Ｄ工，真係好好好想搵到份research project呀！！！
本來今日諗住溫書。。最後。。不過今日做咗Ｄ成年未做過的事﹣ 出咗去driveway 打籃球 xDD 隻手冰哂不過all stars weekend 太正㕸
聽日教會之後拜年！！！

waaaa
雖然成個星期都係訓好少但琴日土戈完TCCF都係忍唔住啦同佢地食飯跟住din咗陣=P

之前都有ski過snowboard過不過真係估唔到原來toboggan咁好玩!! 成班走咗去人地rez後門執紙皮跟住走去library 側面gei slope度勁玩 xD and also some snowball fight and snow-wrestling added to the fun!

and then玩玩下就超夜，不過發覺truth or dare真係。。。
今朝起身個下真係想死，好睏，跟住我對socks竟然唔見咗一隻。。。人地送家大佬。。天呀。。
去咗飲茶，好似真係第次係downtown同成班人飲，anzon 竟然俾茶樓呀姐罵佢抄功課（佢好似真係冇抄）好彩佢坐開咗另外一張枱做如果唔係我地真係唔知以後點見人 =P

食完點心有咩做呢？就行返去campus食lunch啦！！ 下。。。
跟住打table tennis, 雖然自己打得超hea但都好好玩可以同成班一齊din
跟住就去咗eatons shopping laaa 好彩控制到自己冇亂用錢!! 同埋終於有得用張starbucks卡啦. chi sin ga campus 個Ｄ唔收gei。。

今晚係度定目標，發覺自屺真係好唔掂timm 尤其係Ｄ分,要努力！！ 訓啦, hope you all have a good reading week=]

waaa eason was soo good!!
afterwards just stayed at samuel's place, had a good time and studied till this morning..and then studied again till this evening->midterm.. and now..doing chm lab TT..
我reading week 一定要搵Ｄ時間勁訓！！

ps. samuel thanks so muchhh

and happy Valentine's day!! not that it matters a lot haha, but I do want my chocolates.. e chan fai d make them laaa and you...i want the heart-shaped chocolate thing ah..寄俾我^^

溫呀溫，溫呀溫，溫到腰酸背痛timm..
聽晚睇eason好緊張！
但呀爸呀媽知道咗星期三有midterm佢地仲緊張。。呀爸頭先入黎話，呀仔不如我比錢你唔好去啦。。。下-_-''
真係始料不及。。。

原來講真話係有代價gei....
好煩呀！！！！

omg I'm staying up so late again
partly for studying and partly.. hmm
幾開心終於有返少少個種感覺。。個種會突然傻笑gei 喜悅，原來自己都幾享受依種感覺，可能自己根本唔太care結果啦。。發覺自己從來都係咁gei hmm

依排雖然devotions唔太頻密，但spiritually幾。。有啟發
發覺facebook係一個幾好gei渠道!

估唔到仲未訓，之前仲以為真係會暈。。不過真係要早Ｄ訓。。聽朝再溫！
突然諗返，當喜歡一個人時，係好盲目，張全部野都當係say yes，無倫點都覺得自己仲有希望
相返，比人單方面鍾意一開始可能會開心下，但慢慢明白如果唔講清楚 or show thru actions 而因咁比咗對方false hope 就實在太衰仔啦，但就因為双方gei friendship 而心軟。。
開始頭痛tim。。係時候訓

覺得其實自己好幸福
依幾日新年雖然真係返到黎已經好累又係咁溫書(同埋係咁比野distract)
不過好開心，年三十晚去matt to 屋企食團年飯, 年初一TCCF又有new year function, 返到屋企又有新年飯worrr 0_0
咁我諗住哇食咁多今晚應該唔會gwa.. 點知原來依個世界上係有開年飯ga!!! 真係第一次知 xDD
跟住聽晚又食赤口飯
我計過，原來屋企究然有六種年糕!!!
蘿蔔糕，年糕，焗年糕，粟子年糕，馬啼糕，芋頭糕 !!
好幸福 ah haha 讀書讀到din都抵啦

oh and almost forgot, 新年快樂!!

happy =]
ate soooo many 糕S todayy and fund raising for tccf was fun tooo
and enjoy talking to people, not just surface talks of course

but i have never experienced that, recently when i get home, which's always really late for some reason, i'm just so so so so tired that i just fall asleep
i need to readddd! studyyyyy!

happy =P

yay and God granted my wish toooooo not to play boyss anymore haha
just really really happy

but I know there's gonna be soo much going on this week till next weds at least.. and then there's reading week= non-stop no rest but I'm going to make it enjoyable!

Chinese New Year coming soon!!
It'll be full of meals, money, and...midterms-_-''
looking forward to all the 糕, and also to tccf's retreat!!

A while back I told a friend that I'll start playing boys..
and when I said that, I seriously didn't mean it but somehow God granted my wish...-_-''
omgggg it's driving me craZyy!!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ho la time to sleep

why do I work so slow and there seems to be so much to do..死啦

don't feel like typing diary anymore..
when I started again back in mid-Jan, I could just sit down and freely express my thoughts
I guess my thoughts just aren't that clear anymore..I'm confused TT
so many things came up that it became a bit overwhelming for me.. I know those things don't seem big, but I guess I'm just not good at handling things. And I NEED enough sleeeeeeep!
okay I sleep now hehe haven't slept so early in a few years^^

People say that God listens to our prayer and answers us in unexpected ways. The answering part is abstract and even a bit surreal to me. However, it isn't until recently that I really understood how God could speak to us through people around us. Sorry I just can't really process my thoughts and put them into words but that's indeed my genuine feeling: that you just have to open up your heart and put your trust in Him.. faith!!

Words are powerful. It can heal, it can hurt, it can leave false hope to one, it can show your love to someone, when you really mean it. As many great things it may bring, it can also be destructive to all that has been built up. Hope I can use it wisely..

During a discussion last week, we touched upon something quite interesting. Someone asked whether it makes a difference between a believer whom loves someone/ perform good deeds because of his faith and a non-believer doing so based on his values.
What came up my mind was what if I love someone that I wouldn't (and I clearly know this in my mind) if I weren't a Christian? Is it just out of "Christian-love" or is it genuinely from my heart? I guess I was actually tested by God on that this week....

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference....

p.s. sorry to make you guys worry..i was just a bit 亂 yesterday, didn't really mean to kill myself =P

個心臨訓前好唔舒服。。
唔係痛而係有Ｄ野頂住頂住。。其實今晚難得有時間可以訓到八個鍾，不過睇黎依家願望又會落空lu

woah.. the last time I updated was 2 weeks ago..
I did have a lot to say everyday but somehow just didn't have the push to typeee
last week was quite crazy, busybusybusy..sch's a part but not a major reason (again!)
打波啦，fellowship-related stuff, and peopleee

did learn more and more about myself through ppl around me
did experienceeeee things that I haven't.. and also fell into things and problems I knew long ago......
The more "self-realization" I make through things and talking to ppl, I learn about my inadequacy and my immaturity.

I used to have this feeling that I am going to 英年早.. but now I feel like killing myself..literally
覺得自己好失敗

有好多好多野in my mind但一想打出黎就開白哂。。
i think i need to shower..

but i'm looking forward to fellowship activities and.. finding my motivation!
and improve myself too..need lots and lots of that

focusfocusfocus!

hmm... too tired to think and my mind's really not working
but today was worth noting
Was really happy that soc was over and finally saw ppl all around the place. Before that, I was just really 自閉 and that was really 辛苦-_- so yea everything went well and had a good time though had six hours of class from 10-5..
thank youuuu 車厘子 for your surprise! but I have to learn how to wear it..it's...short xD
and thank you 文楓 for accompanying me =P
things went well until I went on rosi to see if the mark's out yet..and ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
but thank you 師姐 la really felt better
But I have to work harddddddddd !
time to sleep

this is my fourth day this week being just home other than going to church today and it seriously doesn't feel great!
ahhhh
okay it's my fault for leaving studying till quite last minute and that soc course has quite some reading =P
but I'm really grateful to have such a wonderful sis to just accompany me

do you believe in the power of prayers?
I do, and one of my prayers earlier on was to be closer with family, especially with sis. Last semester was quite hea yet I spent very lil at home and now I guess my prayers worked^^

and now I really needddddd prayerS from you guys 'cause I'm getting sick sigh..
but I hope I can learn the lesson and be discipline so I don't cram

just sidetrack for a lil bit, I realized today that of the ppl I tend to like.. more, they have one thing in common: they resemble my mom xD wellwell just the GOOD side okay? =P

p.s. I tried importing the entries into facebook but it just imported everything so I guess I'll just copy it to "notes" only if it's worth it
and just to clarify, when I was typing "more", what was in my mind was all those that are important to me and I once thought if a friendship is genuine and strong, it'll always be as gd as it has been but I've learnt that it doesn't work that way so hopefully I'll learn how to appreciate and keeppp it

and Thank YOU for just always being there, I really really appreciate it and really can't express it in words

no matter how much you care about someone, when you spend so much time with that someone it just becomes a habit.. you wait for him/her, you still care but are just used to his/her presence..until you lose that someone or hurt him/her
is that just how it is?

alright so I had a haircut and I know!!! i know it's immensely short... well time for a change =P

our view of whether a change is good or not really changes as time goes by and sometimes after some time we just get used to it to the extent that we don't even remember we changed, thinking that has always been as it is..is it necessarily a good thing tho?

I'm someone that doesn't look back but lately things have been flashing back in my mind.. lots of things I regret having done or not done (mostly of the latter) and it's probably the "unfinished businesses" that really bother me. To me, when something happens between me and someone, some conflict or whatsoever that isn't really resolved, it just gets harder and harder to face it and ultimately, the person. I always regret and think of all the stupid things, knowing what I could do but on the other hand, just want to let go and forget it. At the same time, when I tell myself that I gotta do that, it hurts..it really does. But my rational mind would just tell me, it's not worth it.. I really don't understand myself

this semester has been really different from last one. lots of work is one concern, finding my motivation again is another. sometimes when you put so much into someone that that person becomes your motivation, your everything and even driving your emotions, it just becomes so dangerous.

but I'm looking forward to it !
and one of my new year resolutions (other than finding someone special xD) is to hea less and study hard so i can give more time to myself and people around me
really hope I can do that !

(睇左下面個個先)
近pai發覺沖涼個時諗野真係唔錯
其實自己一早清楚..
shit 一坐低又唔見得左tim.. 沖多次涼先...